Crash's House of Whoop-Ass!

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Rules exist for many reasons. Not everyone likes rules, and most people believe that rules only exist to be broken. While I can't disagree with them for the most part, I do have a list of rules and general truths about the world that I use keep my life in line with where I want it to be. I have grouped these rules into several major categories, such as my Rules for Life, Rules for Dating, and Rules for Houseguests. I will add to these rules as I can remember them, or come up with new ones. Unlike the rest of the rules that exist in the world, these rules are NOT made to be broken.

Sometimes, shit just happens. It doesn't happen to you, it doesn’t happen because of you, it just happens. Get over it.
No matter how good you think you are at something, there is always, ALWAYS, someone better... deal with it.
Life doesn't owe you shit. You earn what you get, and you get what you deserve, sooner or later. If you can't step up and make your own way in life, I have no use for you.

Now, these rules are meant for me only. I don't expect or care if anyone else follows them or not, but I do expect people to respect my attempts to follow them.

I don't date married women, or women who are attached in any serious fashion to any one else. I don't have anything against Polygamy, but I want no part in a Poly relationship. I'm too greedy and selfish for that to work.
I don’t date women that I work with. Nothing sucks like bringing personal drama into the place where you make your money. Besides, I don't think I could deal with seeing the same person all day at work, then have to go home and see that person all night too.
No Psycho Hosebeasts! Period, end of fucking discussion! If you are a psychotic raving bitch, I won't date you.
I don't date women because I want to help them work out their problems. Nothing good comes of that. I know, I'm speaking from experience. Those relationships last about 2 weeks with me. So, as a rule, I don't date women because I think I can solve their problems for them.

Of course, as many of you have no doubt noticed, this cuts the list of available women for me to date down to a very small pool. Maybe that's why I don't date much.... or maybe it's because I spend more time at home working on my computers than I do going to places where I'm likely to meet new people.... who knows.

These are rules I expect anyone I allow into my house to follow. Knowingly breaking any of these rules is grounds for an immediate ass kicking and banishment from my apartment.

No one, and I mean NO ONE has sex on my bed unless it directly (and willingly) involves me as an active participant. Period. End of Discussion. Failure to comply will result in DEATH!!! >_<
If you get something out of my fridge in a glass bottle, ask before you open. I don't drink alcohol for several reasons, but if I ever have drinks in glass in my fridge, they are there for a reason. If I have bear/cider in my fridge, it is because I got it for someone in particular, and chances are, it wasn't you. If you see IBC root beer in my fridge, that is mine, and I don't share well with others. And if there is ever a pack of Stewarts grape soda in my fridge, touch it at your own risk of death! Only 3 people have ever been allowed to drink one of my grape sodas, and one of them was family. Odds are, you are not on that list.
If I'm throwing a dinner party, and you are invited, ask me what you can do to help. Even if it's something as simple as bringing a bag of ice, I need help on occasion. Little things like that make all the difference in these things.
If I'm throwing a dinner party, and you are not invited, then you are NOT invited! If you crash my party, you might end up on the menu. I do not suffer party crashers. Given the nature of my particular social circles to fight among themselves, I pick and choose my guests very carefully to avoid conflict. If you were not invited, it is probably because I wanted to dodge the static that would result when you saw the rest of my guests. Save everyone the trouble and stay the fuck away if you weren't on the guest list in the first place.